Saturday, June 18, 2005

Chicago, chicago... 
Chicago, home to Muddy Waters, John Williams, and Liz Carroll, wouldn't know bad music if it hit them in the ass. They've never heard it.

So John Kass is totally out of his league when it comes to thinking up bad music.

Just as good music is timelessly good, bad music is timelessly bad.

Ballerina was an engaging, lively tune in its day. The snippet even has a nice little pizzicato line in it to create the melodic interest the melody lacks. And those old chord changes still sound cool.

You want to get a terrorist to crap his orange jumpsuit and sing like a boid?

Force him to listen to "Let the Eagle Soar."

Bonus points for irony: It's John Ashcroft singing.

Jeez, does Bette Midler know he stole her vibrato?

Put it in a tape loop with Leonard Nimoy singing the Ballad of Bilbo Baggins., a vile piece of tripe marred only by some chromaticism in the turnaround, melting into a third harmony with the bacground singers. Which is actually interesting.


Did they really used to pay for guitar playing that bad (It's probably Tommy Tedesco.) I hope his estate doesn't sue me for mentioning the possibility.

Well, it might not be. Tedesco usually played in tune.

And while we're at it, how about Barry Sadler singing "The Ballad of the Green Berets?"

This knucklehead actually thinks the BeeGees were bad. The BeeGees created some of the best dance tracks in the history of man!

How about Brandi covering "I Think We're Alone Now?"

Or, speaking of Bette Midler, how about the overwrought and pretentious "From a Distance?"

Anything recorded by Yoko Ono.

Kids today.

What do they know about bad music?

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It has all guitar related stuff.

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