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Thursday, November 11, 2004

Breaking News... 
IraqNow News Service. Dateline: FORT LAUDERDALE, FL -- In yet another sign of increasing manpower woes in the U.S. Army, Jason Van Steenwyk, author of an obscure war blog called "Countercolumn," was promoted to the rank of Captain.

Although the world equity markets had already largely discounted the news, which had been expected since April of this year Yields on the 10-Year treasury rose slightly on security concerns, while the dollar continued to flirt with historic lows against the Euro.

The promotion means a modest pay increase for CPT Van Steenwyk, thus rendering the Bush deficits even more unmanageable than before.

Witnesses in Fallujah are telling reporters that when the news of CPT Van Steenwyk's promotion became public, the insurgent-held sections of the city exploded in celebratory gunfire.

"The infidel promotion of this officer is like a beacon of hope to terrorist assholes everywhere," said insurgent leader Majid Hamad al-Sabah, who asked that his name not be used.

In related news, Coca Cola cut back on previously optimistic earnings targets upon learning that CPT Van Steenwyk was cutting back sharply on sugar intake.

CPT Van Steenwyk denies having shorted Coca Cola stock, but says he hopes Coca Cola employees had learned from Enron's example and had managed to lighten up their allocation to Coca Cola company stock in their 401(k)s, all the same.




Comments:
Congratulations, Captain! I would love to be present at the wetting down to assist in your returning those tax dollars to the economy, but I must be here at sea figuring out ways to screw over Army guys.

And how does this affect First Command's value?

BZ!

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BZ-Well done, CPT Van Steenwyk. Here's to hoping the wetting down ceremony is long, loud, well fed, and well lubricated with liquor. Spending the new paycheck should be fun.

Seriously, congratulations.

Ever notice how its always the submariners who come out when you least expect it, and want you to spend your raise in pay on a drink for them.

Press on, Jason.
 
Congratulations, Captain. It's not every day you share a rank with Cap'n Crunch! Of course, he's in the Navy so you still come out on top... tell those insurgent soggies what's up. ;)

Seriously though, congrats.

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