Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Amber Alert: Missing Headlines
The IraqNow News Service is issuing an Amber Alert for the following headlines reported missing from today's media outlets:
1. General Taguba: No Evidence Abusive Techniques Were Part of Policy.
2. Red Cross Says US Officials Were Making Progress on Prison Concerns.
If you have any information as to the whereabouts of these headlines, please contact the ombudsmen of the media outlets who are missing them.
Do not attempt to apprehend the copy editors yourself, as they are highly volatile, and subject to wild hormonal swings when "in heat" over a story.
Editorial employees have been known to throw tantrums, hold grudges, slant stories to the tipping point, and in extreme cases, write long screeds about how stupid their opponents must be, and by extention, their supporters.
Editorial employees are known to be especially dangerous when unsuspecting sources position themselves between a pack of reporters and the object of their witch hunt.
We repeat, do not attempt to apprehend copy editors yourself. Instead, contact the professionals at IraqNow, and we will dispatch our team of highly trained silliness eradication specialists to the scene, equipped with all the latest technology we could get from the Ghostbusters movie set surplus auction.
This has been a public service announcement.
I'm Jason Van Steenwyk and I distanced myself from this message.
Splash, out
Jason
1. General Taguba: No Evidence Abusive Techniques Were Part of Policy.
2. Red Cross Says US Officials Were Making Progress on Prison Concerns.
If you have any information as to the whereabouts of these headlines, please contact the ombudsmen of the media outlets who are missing them.
Do not attempt to apprehend the copy editors yourself, as they are highly volatile, and subject to wild hormonal swings when "in heat" over a story.
Editorial employees have been known to throw tantrums, hold grudges, slant stories to the tipping point, and in extreme cases, write long screeds about how stupid their opponents must be, and by extention, their supporters.
Editorial employees are known to be especially dangerous when unsuspecting sources position themselves between a pack of reporters and the object of their witch hunt.
We repeat, do not attempt to apprehend copy editors yourself. Instead, contact the professionals at IraqNow, and we will dispatch our team of highly trained silliness eradication specialists to the scene, equipped with all the latest technology we could get from the Ghostbusters movie set surplus auction.
This has been a public service announcement.
I'm Jason Van Steenwyk and I distanced myself from this message.
Splash, out
Jason
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