Tuesday, February 03, 2004

The Third Commandment 
...And so it came to pass that another vehicle accident occurred somewhere in Western Iraq, and there was great weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And Division issued an edict, which did cause great consternation upon the land, and the label on this edict was called "Powerpoint." And the commander looked upon this Powerpoint, and he saw that it was good.

And Division said unto their subordinate commanders, "Go forth, and issue this briefing unto all your soldiers. Yea, even unto the lowest private, that your asses may be covered."

And the subordinate commanders went forth and issued the edict, which did contain the following commandments:

I. Thou shalt wear thy helmet when operating the Division's chariots.

II. Thou shalt gird thyselves with flak jackets when maneuvering about the land, even through the whole of Babylon.

III. Thou shalt also fasten thy seatbelt about thy waist when operating the Division's chariots.

And so the colonels did brief their captains, and the captains briefed their lieutenants, and the lieutenants briefed their sergeants. And the sergeants did pass the briefing on even unto the drivers. And their asses were considered covered in the eyes of Division, for if misfortune befell a driver, the commanders and lieutenants and sergeants could answer Division, saying "See, I have issued the briefing unto him, yet he has continued to transgress."

But the asses of the drivers were not covered.

And so the drivers recieved the briefing. And they did follow the first two commandments without complaint. For they saw the first two commandments on Powerpoint, and they knew that it was right. And flak vests and helmets were worn throughout the whole of Babylon.

But the third commandment was not followed. The seatbelts fit around a soldier girded only in his kevlar and loincloth. But when a soldier mounted his chariot girded in his flak jacket, as the Division had commanded, the seat belt was still too short. But there was no astonishment among the ranks. The seat belt was too short at home station, it was too short before the briefing, and the seatbelt would remain too short after the briefing.

And the commanders did smile because their asses were covered. And the soldiers also smiled, for though they knew their asses were not covered, they knew the futility of the third commandment.

And so the third commandment was not fulfilled, but the soldiers did say "Fuck it," and drove on.

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